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Joke of the Day

"[posing for mugshot] ""now turn forward"" [flash] lemme see"

"2016 was so divisive. It just had too many factors."

"My husband accidentally texted mewting instead of meeting. Now I can't stop picturing a bunch of kittens in a conference room."

"I put an energy drink in my hummingbird feeder, now all my hummingbirds are going back in time and returning with tiny top hats."

"How much does a German weigh? Teutons."

"What do you call an anthropomorphic car that's attracted to itself? Autosexual."

"What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? Pizzas don't scream when they are put in the oven!"

"Today would have been my moms 50th birthday... but she was born in January."

"So, it is clear now that the only person who can stop a Trump presidency is Hillary Clinton... ...by conceding in favour of Bernie Sanders."

"My obsession with square roots has got me on cloud three."