127893

Joke of the Day

"Headline: ""Female-named hurricanes kill more than male hurricanes because people don't respect them, study finds"". AKA, ""My eye is up here""."

"*getting caught filling up neighbor's trash can* Omg Karen, I just looove your trash can! Where did you get it?"

"Hey baby, wanna play lion? OK. You go kneel right there and I'll throw you my meat."

"Cake: the answer, no matter the question."

"My version of ""Free hugs"" is a sign hung around my neck that says ""Ewww, get the fuck away from me."""

"the phone in the guy's hand next to me rang, it sounded like my alarm clock, I yelled fuck and smacked it out of his hand on pure reflex"

"""Son, I don't think you're cut out to be a mime."" ""Was it something I said?"" Asks the son. ""Yes."""

"And on the sixth day, God created man first so that he could enjoy a few minutes on Earth without saying the wrong thing to a woman."

"I cut my finger chopping cheese... I think that I may have grater problems."

"What's black and white . . . What's black and white and loves kids? Michael Jackson"