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Joke of the Day

"Whoa whoa whoa. Stand down, nipples. It's just a little chilly weather, nothing to get excited about."

"I use to be addicted to soap I'm clean now"

"What do corals get stressed about? Current events."

"My right eye is twitching like it's at some kind of techno dance party that the rest of me wasn't invited to."

"Now that ""twerking"" is in the Oxford dictionary, we probably can go back to grunting and hitting things to communicate."

"So happy I got to see ""bucket list"" added to the dictionary before I die."

"""I got you this for Valentine's Day."" [she opens the box and reveals several People magazines inside] ""I think we should see other people."""

"Ever had to force a smile while someone takes forever trying to figure out how to use the camera? That's how teenagers feel 24 hours a day."

"What's the best lake to go motorboating? Lake Titicaca"

"What would you call Benedict Cumberbatch if he was dating a giraffe? The Neck-Romancer"