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Joke of the Day

"My right eye is twitching like it's at some kind of techno dance party that the rest of me wasn't invited to."

"I like to reinvent myself every year, last year I was a small Italian woman and the year before that a bear."

"A little about me: I'm a beekeeper. I see a bee, I keep it. I don't care whose bee it is. Should have been watching it better."

"What do you call a family of Jewish robots? The Cybergs"

"What sort file do you you need to turn a 1.5 inch hole into a 4.5 inch one? A pedo-file."

"[Best man speech] I HAVE DEFEATED THE OTHER MEN IN THIS WEDDING PARTY TO EMERGE AS THE BEST, THE MICROPHONE SHALL BE MINE FOOLISH MORTALS!"

"What is the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut sleeps with everyone. A bitch sleeps with everyone, except you."

"Monday through Friday I have a friend who, Monday through Friday seems very strong, but Saturday and Sunday he's weekend."

"What's the difference between a Jew and Santa? Santa goes down the chimney :("

"What do you call a married cougar? A cheetah."