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Joke of the Day

"My boss dropped a pen, bent to pick it up, my b-ball instincts took over, I slapped his ass, said 'nice hustle' & now I need a new job."

"Holocaust jokes aren't funny. My great grandfather died in Auschwitz. He fell off of a watch tower."

"i don't want to masturbate... ...but im doing this ""1000 days in a row"" thing"

"You'd be surprised how much of parenting is reminding your children not to eat soup with their hands."

"""Sup man? Yeaah, I'm incorporated."" - business casual"

"Turkey; you are approching to our border! Russia;cyka -stay out of our border! -blyat https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CUkGFOhWsAAKvkB.png"

"""I'd like to prescribe you a topical ointment for that skin condition,"" my doctor said. ""Woah, woah, woah, doc,"" I replied. ""Let's not make any rash decisions."""

"Insulting me gets you nowhere. Plus, it makes you look fat."

"My favorite Kardashian is the one who dies first."

"You may recognize me from such films as: HR surveillance footage 11/13/12 HR surveillance footage 01/22/13 HR surveillance footage 02/28/13"