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Joke of the Day

"I'm sorry I broke your finger, but seriously, what did you expect would happen when you tried to eat the last two fries off my plate?"

"What do you call Jewish coffee? Hebrew"

"I walked to the bus stop. This morning I walked to the bus stop and I saw a man there, drinking out of a paper bag. So I said, ""Morning!"" to be friendly And he said, ""Nah I'm just an alcoholic."""

"By a show of hands, who has hands? Sit down Leonard, you're a seahorse."

"Did you know that camels can last longer without water than sex? They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump."

"Listening to my coworker cry about her gag reflex not being able to swallow her allergy pills.. All I keep thinking is: Her poor boyfriend.."

"f (x) walks into a bar... The barman says ""Sorry, we don't cater for functions"""

"Inside me is a skinny woman screaming to get out. I can usually shut her up with a cookie."

"I told my Mom that I was going to the Apple store and she said, ""You sound like you're 4 - it's the grocery store""."

"Marry someone who loves Hawaiian pizza so you can just get your own good tasting pizza all to yourself."