126955

Joke of the Day

"If zombies ever attack just go to Costco, they have walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can't get in without a Costco membership"

"If I ever go missing, my dumbass family will pick a photo where I look happy and my hair looks good, and I'll never been seen alive again."

"my girlfriends said if this gets 1000 up votes then I probably reposted somebody elses joke"

"Patient: I always see spots before my eyes. Doctor: Didn't the new glasses help? Patient: Sure now I see the spots much clearer."

"Terrorist Threat Level: Porcupine"

"I had a pretty confused childhood because I thought obituaries are actually advertisements selling dead people."

"Circumcision How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw."

"ME: *tells joke* WIFE: ugh, that was funny in middle school [later] ME [at a local middle school]: so have you all heard the one about th"

"knock knock YOU: who's there ME: I eat mop YOU:______"

"Ooopppsss Q: What's the difference between a guitar and a fish? A: You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish"