2859

Joke of the Day

"ME: *tells joke* WIFE: ugh, that was funny in middle school [later] ME [at a local middle school]: so have you all heard the one about th"

"Why did the comedian mermaid die ? Because it had a dry sense of humor ."

"Where are the best leaders made? Flint, Michigan."

"I met a new girl in work today, and she was a vegan I've never seen herbivore"

"How can I go to sleep when this movie I've seen 70 times just started?"

"A joke from the oldest written collection of jokes begins ""A coward is asked which are safer, warships or merchant-ships"" Dry-Docked ships he answers"

"What do you get when you cross a Mexican cholo and an ill tempered Irishman? ... a surprisingly stable person; according to my Homie O'Statis."

"Rejecting someone by saying ""you deserve someone better"" is a fun way to let a person know you'd rather insult yourself than to date them."

"Pros and cons of guys: Con: They're dicks. Pro: Their dicks."

"How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?"