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Joke of the Day

"Last night I ate 3 large spicy curry rolls while watching Westworld. These violent delights have violent ends."

"This guy at my work fell into the upholstery machine today. Don't worry, hes fully recovered."

"I want to start an irritable bowel support group called fecal matters"

"Did you hear about the dyslexic racist? He hated gingers."

"Every few weeks I login to Facebook, update my birthday to the current day, and those idiots wish me happy birthday every time."

"[speed dating] Me: Periods. Her: Huh? Me: Do they go inside the quotation mark or outside? Her: In the US or the UK? Me: Let's get married."

"Help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be connected to the ass that I might have to kiss tomorrow..."

"I put a life-size alien doll in my passenger seat for halloween and I've caught myself talking to it 3 times"

"Why did Beyonce sing ""to the left, to the left""? Because black people don't have rights."

"What's the technical term for a female-to-male sex change operation? A strapadictomy."