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Joke of the Day

"""Will the father be present during the birth?"" asked the obstetrician. ""Nah"" replied the mother-to-be ""He and my husband don't get along."""

"Apparently, Isaac Asimov wrote a book about jokes and puns called Treasury of Humor I laughed my Asimov when I was reading it"

"What's 7 inches and makes women submissive? A knife."

"What do you call a guy with eight dicks? A coctopus"

"Had I known you were coming I would have baked a cake. Instead you get to watch me decapitate an iguana. You should call ahead."

"What's the capital of Greece? Athens"

"Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds? Because most men are stupid, but few are blind."

"[deathbed] ME: Give me that sword & I'll haunt it when I die SON: I made this [hands me cake] ME: No! [dies] CAKE: [in my voice] God damn it"

"So what do you pack for the end of the world? I'm thinking lots of toilet paper, oh and guns to protect my toilet paper."

"5yo: ""Dad we don't have a chimney. How will Santa get in?"" Me: Probably through my credit card. 5: what? Me: what?"