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Joke of the Day

"[deathbed] ME: Give me that sword & I'll haunt it when I die SON: I made this [hands me cake] ME: No! [dies] CAKE: [in my voice] God damn it"

"When I was born, I was given a choice a big pecker or a good memory.... I don't remember what I chose"

"What were the protestors outside Erin Andrew's court house shouting today? White Nudes Matter!"

"What's your favourite onomatopoeic word? Mine's ""silence""."

"Q: What did the Indian say to the white woman when she tied his penis in a knot? A: ""How Come?"""

"What's the best way to become a Russian leader? Stop Stalin! Just Putin the effort and start Lenin it happen!"

"Why is boxing the gayest sport in the world? Because you have two shirtless men in silk shorts fighting over a purse."

"How to discipline your rock *you hit rock bottom*"

"Hilary Clinton is trying to appear more normal by using the subway... ..., but Bernie Sanders claims she only uses it one tenth of one percent as much as he does."

"I knew my fantasies were getting worse But when I spanked a statue I knew I'd hit rock bottom."