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Joke of the Day

"A boy talks to his mother about what he hopes to become. The boy said, ""Mom? I have something to tell you"" ""Go ahead"", the mother said. ""I promise not to laugh."" *The boy wanted to be a comedian.*"

"Plan to be spontaneous... Tomorrow."

"wife: Would you ever want an open marriage? me *messages every girl in my phone asking if they'd have sex with me* Umm *all respond no* Nah"

"I visited my doctor last week, and he told me I had to stop masturbating. I asked him why, surely it's not dangerous. He said it was distracting him."

"What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison? You can't wash your face in a buffalo."

"Seven days without a joke makes one weak."

"How many A.D.D. kids does it take to change a light bulb? Look a squirrel!"

"I couldn't remember my speech at a funeral today so I improvised with a magic trick and sawed the coffin in half"

"So I bought an elephant for my friend's room the other day. When I gave it to her, she said, ""Thanks."" And I said, ""Don't mention it!"""

"What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? The holocaust"