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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend said to me ""you keep talking like we're on Walky talkies... this relationship is over!!"" ""This relationship is what? Over."""

"Of all the bands named after handicapped jungle animals, Def Leppard is my favorite."

"*spin kicks cigarette out of your mouth* Nothing is cooler than health"

"Hey North Carolina, watcha doin' this weekend? Nothing"

"Me: I got my YOLO tattoo covered up GF: Good. I told you it was just a stupid fad Me: I know GF: What'd you get? Me: *reveals Minion tattoo*"

"Two ducks are arguing in a bar about quantum physics... One turns to the other and says, 'Quark Quark' The other says, I'll have a Harvey Schrodinger, thanks'."

"What'd Gandhi say when his friend told him to leave the protest? Na 'ma ste"

"What's the difference between a gun and a feminist? One of them doesn't throw a fit when triggered."

"How did the Burger King get the Dairy Queen pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper."

"End a boring conversation by opening an umbrella in their face"