126447

Joke of the Day

"Matthew 11, Luke 9 and John 12... ...are just three of the boys Father O'Reilly has to stay at least 50 yards from."

"It's just a bad day, not a bad life."

"What do your mom and a hockey team have in common? They both go three periods without a shower."

"I wonder if anyone on death row ever picked an all you can eat buffet for their last meal & just ate really slowly forever. Boom. Loophole."

"[texting my girlfriend] wyd? ""Just finished my homework"" Cool, Send a pic (; ? *gf sends a nude* Ewww wtf!! i meant of your homework!"

"How do you get four old ladies to yell ""FUCK?"" Get one to yell ""BINGO!"""

"Can you really take sticks and twigs and make them into clothing? Sew it wood seam"

"When I'm at a restaurant and see 'secret sauce' on the menu, I immediately tell the people at the table next to me"

"Smile and the world smiles with you. Laugh and the world wants you to stop looking at your phone and drive."

"Crayons are a lot like M&M's. All of the colors taste the same."