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Joke of the Day

"[texting my girlfriend] wyd? ""Just finished my homework"" Cool, Send a pic (; ? *gf sends a nude* Ewww wtf!! i meant of your homework!"

"Whats the difference between a rooster and a prostitute? One goes ""cockadoodle doo"", the other goes, ""Any cock 'ill do."" Old joke my 60-something grandfather told me when I was 10"

"Jewish football What's the worst part about having an all Jewish football team? You have to replace the whole team every time they take a shower"

"Apparently when your wife says ""let's make a baby,"" she doesn't mean assemble an infant from clay and chant The Old Words inside a pentagram"

"sorry ladies, just changed my Facebook relationship status from ""Single"" to ""Costco Member"""

"What did the large furry mammal say when the salamander who kept asking for favors went too far? I can't bear it! You axolotl of me this time!"

"My friend started making bird puns towards me. Toucan play at that game!"

"Sometimes I lay in bed awake at night thinking, how did Skeletor from He-Man speak perfectly without lips or a tongue"

"Me: Yeah man, got her right where I want her Bartender: Oh yeah? Me: Yup, sitting at home while the cable man works on th ::rushes home::"

"All these phone companies advertising for ""More lines, more savings!"" But when I do more lines my savings go to shit."