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Joke of the Day

"8yo: Ghosts real? Me: No! 4yo: I heard groaning last night 8yo: & a bed squeaking and moaning 4yo: What was that? Me: .. Them: .. Me: Ghosts"

"Fun fact: All of the seasons were named after coils of metal. Except for summer and winter. And fall."

"""President Trump, California is revolting!"" ""Yeah, and they're also threatening to secede."""

"Knock, Knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him."

"2 guys walk into a gay bar... and the bartender asks one of them, ""Why the long face?"" The guy answers, ""My eyes are up here."""

"I regularly have gold plaques and 1st place ribbons made up for my liver so it knows just how much I appreciate all it's hard work."

"Sex is easy... Telling your dad he's pregnant isn't."

"I believe hell approves of this joke How do you circumcise a catholic priest? Kick the choir boy in the chin."

"Saw a cute girl at work today. I told her I get off in five minutes and she smiled. Then I said I finish work in one hour and she left."

"What's scary, yellow, almost no eyes, has TONS of hair, and is constantly threatening to kill me if I don't suck it's dick? My Korean girlfriend."