103455

Joke of the Day

"What's scary, yellow, almost no eyes, has TONS of hair, and is constantly threatening to kill me if I don't suck it's dick? My Korean girlfriend."

"ME: how do u get girls SCUMBAG GUY: gotta brag about the size of ur, ya know...organ [later at the bar] ME: hey baby i got a real big colon"

"I wanted to bake a cake from scratch, but I'm out of scratch."

"What is the cheapest type of meat? Deer testicles. They're under a buck."

"Show me a man who calls himself a vegan, ...and I'll show you a man who's trying to shag a vegan."

"Why does Snoop Dog carry and umbrella? Fo-Drizzle"

"My steer got constipated the other day... ...No bullshit."

"What's the difference between a blind hunter and a constipated owl? One shoots but can't hit while the other hoots but can't shit"

"Wife: can you change the baby Me: oh thank god. I'm so glad you said that. Yes, yes I will Wife: I don't mean swap it for a new one Me: ..."

"Why are millionaires bad at swimming? Because they drown at their own wealth Edit: I got down voted :( I thought of that in my head and just wanted to share it"