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Joke of the Day

"I like how all these people are acting like they've never seen a naked 37 year old man fight 3 security guards at a mall food court before."

"Is there anything less intimidating than a cop on a bicycle? Wobble on, agent of justice, wobble on."

"What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick? Fucks Funny."

"I like my coffee how I like my women. Without a penis."

"Dear posters of /r/jokes, can't you be a bit more original with your posts? My friends say they are tired of hearing the same jokes over and over again."

"I should've listened to my dad. Friend: What did he say? Me: How the fuck would I know? I didn't listen."

"What do you tell someone who occupies space and has mass? You matter."

"Girls are like an internet virus... ...they enter your life, scan your pockets, transfer money, edit your mind, download their problems and delete your smile..."

"Teacher: Ants can lift things that are heavier than they are Kid: How can a thing be heavier than it is? T: No-[sees it's almost 3 pm] Magic"

"Dear #Athiests Evolution could never design and create a machine that consumes scraps and produces bacon"