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Joke of the Day

"Whenever someone says, ""I had the weirdest dream last night!"" I interrupt, ""I had dreams once..."" and stare at a wall until they leave."

"""Y'ever wonder why the TARDIS is square on the outside but round on the inside?"" *SuperCuts lady finishes my haircut without another word*"

"I had a weird dream I was eating a hairy lollipop. Woke up this morning and my wifes head was covered in slobber."

"I like to help my children think up cruel nicknames for the other kids at their school."

"Making my voice mail message say ""Just hang up and text me."""

"Nobody thought Robin Williams was capable of killing himself that way... In fact, he was knot capable."

"What is it called when a Redditor writes about his life? A meme-oir"

"What is a pair of sheep's favorite instrument? Two-Baaas."

"I see your eight-year-old joke and raise you my nine-year-old joke. Why didn't the bullet have a job? It got fired."

"What superhero consists of only 16 atoms? Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na BATMAN!!"