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Joke of the Day

"An Italian family is sitting quietly at a table in a restaurant"

"With my luck, I could jump in a barrel full of titties.... ...and come out sucking my thumb."

"[walks into my bedroom to find my sister having sex with my bf] SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS I CAN'T BELIEVE UR DOING THIS TO ME THAT'S WHERE I EAT!!!"

"Interviewer: Give me an example of something you took with you from your last job Me: Toilet paper"

"Crime TV shows aren't what they used to be That's why I support Donald Trump's promise to bring back Law and Order."

"They ran out of bread at the Indian restaurant, but it turned out nobody cared. It was a naan issue."

"If I was a funeral director, I'd tell everyone ""I'll see you later"" & then wink, because it's fun to freak people out."

"""Dayyuuuum Giiiiirrrl... Did you fall from Heaven?"" *pokes body with stick*"

"Apparently, if she's refused to speak to you for two days your text should not be 'Why are you mad again?'"

"What is the difference between a Mother and Wife? One woman brings you into this world crying and the other ensures you continue to do so."