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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a Mother and Wife? One woman brings you into this world crying and the other ensures you continue to do so."

"How do we know Mayberry's Andy Taylor was a Redditor? He had sex with Opie's mom."

"I have a vegan girlfriend... and she's nice and all, but sometimes I think she just looks at me like a piece of carrot"

"I was so poor, we couldn't afford a bidet. I had to do hand stands in the shower."

"I cheated on my drug test, with a younger, more attractive drug test."

"One of these days the love of your life will walk right past you and you're gonna be staring at your phone posting a status about how lonely you feel."

"I opened the door for an old lady today... A few people stared when they seen me jump in front of her and just stand there to activate the automatic door though."

"Sometimes I'll tell my wife the car is making a weird noise and I need to listen just so I don't have to hear her talk."

"What do you call a girl without boobs? **Justin Bieber**"

"When I quit my job I'm going to barge into my boss's office, slam my gun and badge on his desk, and storm out of this Arby's forever."