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Joke of the Day
"I would do unspeakable things for a sandwich right now, like actually get up & make one."
Next Joke
"crisis in the morning, crisis in the evening, crisis at suppertime. in an indifferent universe, you can have an existential crisis anytime!"
"What do you call a rap battle? Black-on-black rhyme"
"A guy walks into a bar with a duck on his head... the bartender said, ""Can I help you?"" and the duck said, ""Yeah, get this guy off my ass."""
"What do you call a sheepdog's tail that can tell tall stories ? A shaggy dogs tale !"
"[breaking up yet another fight] Me: Why do you always fight with your sisters? 6-year-old: Because I always win."
"Hey girl, is your PH 14? Because you're really fucking basic."
"Power went out in my office building & a maintenance guy said Transformers blew. Um yeah it was a bad movie buddy now what about the power??"
"Why can't you use a Palestinian toilet? It's occupied."
"My daughter is the perfect height for using an umbrella to simultaneously keep her dry and for me to lose an eye from one of its corners"