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Joke of the Day

"Surgeon: I'm unable to perform this surgery. I've only got 10,000 spoons, when all I need is a knife."

"Why did the numbers 25, 36, and 49 go to the dentist? For a square root canal"

"I saved a ton of money by eating all my groceries before getting to the register."

"What's Bill Cosby's New Favorite Snack? Jail-O"

"*Turns up ""Eye of the Tiger""* *air boxes* *jumps imaginary rope* *takes awesome nap* *crowned World Nap Champion third day in a row*"

"What's a Pirates worst nightmare? A sunken chest and no booty"

"Why do you love your puppy more than you love your wife? Because the puppy only knows the tricks you taught her"

"I've just read a book about stockholm syndrome. The first couple of chapters were awful, but by the end I loved it."

"I keep getting calls telling me that I have outstanding bills... ...and while I appreciate the compliment, they're really nothing special."

"My kid has slept over at Jared Fogle's house plenty of times and there's never been a problem. And as long as Jared keeps my Subway card full of points he will continue not having any problems."