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Joke of the Day

"How does Moses get his coffee? He buys it from Starbucks..."

"[waffle house] Waitress: how do u like your eggs Me: hatched and with their families W: no how do u like them cooked M: [spits out coffee]"

"All you dads out there couldn't hold a candle to my dad. He's petrified of candles."

"Highlighter pens are the future... Mark my words"

"Why was the electrolytic solution taken to court? It was charged with a salt."

"Telling a girl to calm down: works about as well as trying to baptize a cat."

"What's the difference between a Penis and a paycheck? After five years your Wife will still blow your paycheck"

"ISIS Comic Did you hear about the ISIS comic? He bombed."

"GF asked ""Can you hand me my shoes?"" Me: ""No, but I can feet them to you"""

"I want to start my own distillery, but i'm a bit hesitant.... it's a whisky business."