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Joke of the Day

"GF asked ""Can you hand me my shoes?"" Me: ""No, but I can feet them to you"""

"So a sloth got robbed by 3 turtles... When the cops asked him what happened the sloth said, It. all. happened. so. fast."

"My mind: ""Today was a productive day."" My body: ""Please don't drink 11 cups of coffee again.""..."

"*uses handkerchief* Well now that this is used, it seems I won't be blowing my nose again til laundry day."

"Sounds like its time to get that Enterprise built!"

"Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead."

"What do you call houses who have good behavior? Manors."

"I saw this guy in Walmart... ...who was bashing his head on the border between aisles 9 and 10. He said ""Go away muggle, I'm trying to get into aisle 9 3/4!"""

"Were you raised on a chicken farm? Because you sure know how to raise a cock."

"What did the father Buffalo say to his son as he left for school? Bison"