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Joke of the Day

"Highlighter pens are the future... Mark my words"

"Most humor is funny, but, Vitreous Humor is in the eye of the beholder."

"Every 15 minutes, a woman gets run over. She's starting to get pissed."

"I ruined my health by drinking to everyone else's."

"So, did you hear that the woman who won the international Strawberry picking contest has no legs? Jammy Cunt!"

"Haven't listened to Staind since middle school... ...it's been awhile"

"I used to steal Mitch Hedberg jokes and try to pass them off as my own. I still do, but I used to too."

"When your friend offers you free food, all trust is gone out the window!!! The fuck did you do to it? Nothing, I swear! Okay I'll take a fucking bite."

"What's better than roses on a piano... Tulips on an organ. Let me know if you get it. I'm not gonna lie it took me a couple minutes when a co-worker told me this. Creds: J-mans old man."

"Want to get really stoned? Commit adultery in Iran."