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Joke of the Day

"I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey... But I turned myself around."

"WIFE: You promised not to spend the lottery winnings on something stupid ME: *climbing off my new elephant* He has a name, Karen"

"Girl, are you a conspiracy theory? Because I want to listen to you all day long even though I find it hard to believe a word you say."

"Tiger Woods is the most overrated athlete in the history. In almost all matches he was sub-par."

"What's the difference between Donald Trump and Hitler? Hitler had a plan."

"I hate it when people want to argue over the use and meaning of words. For example, I like to think of myself as a ""ladies man."" But the jury preferred the term ""rapist."""

"What's a Tijuana hooker's favorite president? El BJ!"

"I used to not get on with my mother-in-law but over the last few months I've developed quite an attachment for her. It goes over her head and a strap comes down under her chin to keep her mouth shut!"

"My exercise program consists of having a lot of stairs in my home and forgetting things."

"What do you call a woman who can't make sandwiches? Single."