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Joke of the Day

"poetic injustice ITS ALWAYS BEEN A LIFELONG WISH TO MAKE LOVE TO A CONTORTIONIST AFTER YEARS OF PLAYING ALL THE ANGLES IT LOOKS LIKE I'LL NEVER BE ENTANGLED"

"What does a priest and a second place runner have in common? (NSFW) They both came in a little behind."

"The asshole in front of me is texting and driving right as I'm tweeting this."

"Baltimore's chief export seems to be artisanal crime narrative."

"She asked me to buy Tampons so I bought Kotex, because that one time I wanted ice cream and she bought frozen yogurt."

"What do you call an asian golddigger? Cha Ching"

"Teacher: What's 2 and 2 Pupil: 4 Teacher: That's good Pupil: Good ? that's perfect !"

"Step 1) Ask mom to come meet your girlfriend. Step 2) Text ""Medusa's excited to meet you."" Step 3) Place statue of yourself on your lawn."

"Just put 3 sugar cubes in my tea, and by sugar, I mean xanax, because sugar is really bad for you.."

"Just made sweet love to a juicy steak. Being escorted out of the restaurant now."