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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a football player and a new pimp? The football player *kicks* *punts.*"

"why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie? because he was far out."

"[meeting] Bill: we'll call it BILLOSOPHY Phil [pulling out briefcase and assembling gun]: Good idea! Steal my board idea now this? Not again"

"Where did the sick boat go to get a checkup? The Dock!"

"A wise chinese guy once said to me ""if the dog barks, it's undercooked"" - Some wise chinese guy"

"*zip-lines through your living room window* *shakes off the broken glass* YO! DO YOU LIKE BRAD PITT BETTER WITH SHORT OR LONG HAIR!?"

"Do buses and trains run on time? Usually yes. No they don't. Buses run on wheels and trains run on the tracks."

"What do gay people call each other on? Homophones!"

"Never take ecstasy with a squirrel named... hey, squirrel dude, what's your name? Charles? Never take ecstasy with a squirrel named Charles."

"On the internet you can be whoever you want. Its odd that so many choose to be stupid."