124627

Joke of the Day

"I like to think that when Homer Simpson suffers from erectile dysfunction, he chokes his wiener and yells ""Why you little!!!!!"""

"I hate that random song you hear in the morning and gets stuck in your head all day long."

"What do the Dallas Cowboys and the Rev. Billie Graham have in common? Both can make 70,000 people stand up and shout ""JESUS CHRIST!"""

"I'm sick of pretending. I'm ready to tend!"

"What do you get if you cross a dog with a sniper rifle and a car? A *range rover*!"

"I'm more emotionally invested in this sandwich than I am in most humans."

"The cops showed up earlier saying my dog was chasing some kid on a bike.. I was like that's ridiculous, my dog can't ride a bike"

"Was in the hot tub a full 3 minutes before I noticed the floating chipmunk so probably don't ask me questions about a crime scene"

"What happens to the cow on her period? She gets MOOOOOODY"

"What is the drunkest animal in Antarctica? A Pengwine. That's a /u/amanescape original. I can show myself out."