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Joke of the Day

"Me: How old is your daughter? Her: She'll be 4 next week. Me: *audible sigh (Slowly, emphatically): OK. But I asked how old is she... NOW."

"What is yellow and goes click-click? A ball-point banana. Witch: Will I lose my looks as I get older? Wizard: With luck yes. Witch:"

"If you think you're having a bad day.. just remember, somebody is going to have Snooki as a mom"

"My uncle Terry told me not to worry, that love would find a way, but on the other hand he once took a shit in a hammock"

"Hollywood sets impossible standards we can never live up to. Not even once have I saved people from dinosaurs with my knowledge of Unix."

"I think Ronda Rousey would be at a disadvantage if she fought Floyd Mayweather. Mayweather has had practice beating women"

"A UNIX Salesperson A unix salesperson named Lenore Loved her job, but loved the beach more. She devised such a way to combine work and play: She sells C-shells by the seashore"

"What equine likes to cut in line? A sawhorse!"

"I never feel older than in the 12 seconds I spend on web pages scrolling down to my birth year."

"get the butter out hillary is toast!"