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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? I wouldn't pay $200 to have a lentil on my face."

"I play the triangle in a reggae band... ... I stand at the back and ting"

"I've made my decision. I can finally say that I'd like to have some kids. Trust me, I know I can raise then right. Does anybody know where I can find some goats?"

"What did the food say to the other food, while inside a stomach? I won't digest yet."

"Why did the octopus become an electrician? Because many hands make light work."

"What do you do when you see someone having a seizure in a bathtub? Throw in a load of dirty laundry and some detergent."

"college is a lot like kindergarten except instead of going to school im smoking weed in my dorm at 1 pm"

"The five years of life you gain by eating healthy are spent preparing healthy food."

"What do you get when you cross a person and a manatee? HUMANITY! ...And bestiality...."

"Jihadi John Guess he's Jihadi gone now"