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Joke of the Day

"Fred: What's that terribly ugly thing on your shoulders? Harry: Help! What is it? Fred: Your head!"

"A man was caught for speeding and went before the judge. The judge said ""What will you take....30 days or $30."" The man replied ""I think I'll take the money."""

"Hey guys, just to let you all know I'll be closing my Facebook account in three days... But in four days I'll be explaining why I didn't leave."

"One of my mates told me that he has a pregnant rabbit. It has an ingrown hare,"

"I have a friend who is really into Christianity... ...he goes to church religiously."

"Stand Up Comedy Yes, I actually did some stand up comedy, but I didn't like it... every time I would get up on stage to do my routine, all people ever did was laugh at me..."

"Ambien is not the answer, unless your neighbor questions why you were sleeping on their couch and where did their cheesecake go."

"The wife told me she's sick of me pushing her around and talking behind her back. I said ""Well you are in a wheelchair"""

"My son likes to kick things. He really needs a dog or a wife."

"Q: What's the difference between a jeweler and a jailer? A: One sells watches and the other watches cells."