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Joke of the Day

"I want a girl with a short skirt and a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng neck. I want to date a giraffe basically."

"Dog shampoo was on sale & cheaper than my normal shampoo so it looks like I'm going to have a shiny, healthy coat for the next few weeks."

"I was chatting up this woman. I said, ""You're the sort of woman I could introduce to my mum."" ""Aww,"" she smiled, ""Can you?"" I said, ""Of course, I'll drive us to the cemetery tomorrow."""

"Brother-in-arms What did the russian soldier say when he held his newborn sibling in his hands for the first time? ""You're my brother in arms!"""

"My grandfather drowned in varnish recently. A horrible way to go, but a lovely finish."

"Reasons to keep spiders around 1. Eat flying insects 2. Occasional source of protein during sleep 3. We make rad webs 4. They do i mean they"

"Why were the Beakers all packed and moved out of the university lab? They were graduated"

"Bad Cop: The proof is in the pudding. Good Cop: Stop putting all our evidence in pudding. Why do you keep putting our evidence in pudding?"

"I am fresh out of milkshakes, but I'm pretty sure that my willingness to put out on the first date will bring all the boys to the yard."

"I'll try to explain the concept of lubricated soap.... ...but its quite difficult to grasp."