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Joke of the Day

"[commercial] [man comes home after long day, opens front door and is attacked by 8 cats] MAN: There has to be a better way! Narrator: DOGS"

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa. Not yelling and screaming, like the people in his car"

"I was riding a horse once and its leg broke, so I had to shoot it -- everyone on the carousel freaked out."

"What did the Iraqi refugee say when he crossed the border? Iran!"

"Wanna hear a joke? Modern society"

"""I'm a hoarse whisperer..."" - Batman"

"How do you get a fat girl into bed with you? A piece of cake"

"What sort file do you you need to turn a 1.5 inch hole into a 4.5 inch one? A pedo-file."

"Girl asked me to netflix and chill, but I download all my movies illegally.... So I was like na, more like pirate and booty."

"Pro Tip: Make sure you're physically fit when arguing with a mime. They speak the language of the body."