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Joke of the Day

"When I remember trees are alive I like to picture their brain is the roots and the trunk and branches are its legs dangling into the sky."

Next Joke
 
"The court has decided you guilty of clickbait and has sentenced you to death by the electric chair... ... What happens next will shock you"
"[ten seconds into tv interview where my identity is being protected] camera guy: don't try to disguise your own voice, let the machine do it"
"We use a very accurate term to describe our government. Politics, poly meaning many, and ticks meaning bloodsucking creatures."
"Why did the mermaid wear SeaShells? Because she outgrew her B-Shells. Ha..."
"My diet plan consists of getting a full body tattoo of some skinny dude."
"What's the name of the jewish spider? Spidermann"
"What do you call... What do you call an Italian romance novel model who's let himself go? Flabio."
"My daughter said she wants to run away. We talked. She knows she can walk. I wont chase her."
"Some people might as well post ""Wants Attention"" as their Facebook status"