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Joke of the Day

"We use a very accurate term to describe our government. Politics, poly meaning many, and ticks meaning bloodsucking creatures."

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"Jimmy has 36 candy bars, and he eats 28. What does Jimmy have? Diabetes. Jimmy has diabetes."
"My wife has a book on homeopathy I've only read the blurb on the back, but I think I know everything I need to know about it."
"[NSFW] I was walking home when I heard a homeless guy yell .. I was walking home when I heard a drunk homeless guy yell -"" You motherfucker , your daughter is your sister"""
"Why is Jennifer Lawrence the only one freaking out about the nude photo leak? Because she's the only one with a fat load on her face."
"Everyone's like ""the things I want for Christmas can't be bought."" And I'm like ""Legos. I want legos."""
"A recent study shows that 51.9% of the UK are under educated. It was called the EU referendum."
"Daaaaamn girl! You're like a fire alarm! Really loud and annoying!"
"Somewhere in Russia, a little kid farted a half beat before the meteor blew out all the windows. It was the greatest moment of his life."
"Whats an electrical engineers fave sex position? The super position"