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Joke of the Day
"In bed, women commonly mistake me for Usain Bolt because I always come first."
Next Joke
"Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Two--One to promise he'll do it better than anyone else and one to obscure the issues."
"""Beatles or Stones?"" I asked my son. ""Why can't we have something normal for dinner?"" He said"
"Sorry, but Apple making driverless cars isn't breaking news. It's been going on ever since they introduced the iPhone."
"Mexican version of Gingerbread Man I thought there was a Mexican version of the ""Gingerbread Man"" story. But it was a flan-fiction."
"What word starts with F and ends in uck? Firetruck. The answer is Firetruck."
"Because of Twitter, people use words like Twitterverse, Tweeple, and Twitcide. Which makes me want to twoot myself in the face."
"[robbing Whole Foods] ""All the cash in a bag NOW!"" 100% organic reusable bag ok? ""Yes!"" [puts half the cash] I had to charge for the bag"
"I'm watching this movie where Johnny Depp plays this wierd guy. I'm watching 13 movies."
"I used to be a necropheliac... [NSFW] ...but then some rotten asshole split on me."