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Joke of the Day

"[PRESS CONFERENCE] Me: I'm going on the record. Yes, I'd go back in time to kill a baby Reporter: you mean Baby Hitler? Me: sure, whoever"

"So much to say. So not drunk enough to say it."

"What did Michael Jackson have in common with Target? Boys clothes half off."

"My friend called the movie Pixels the world's longest abortion Funny, I didn't realize it was a porno."

"Some people say , well I'm glad I'm not as crazy as Jon . And I'm like glad I'm not as crazy as the people in the loony bin . The people in the loony Ben are like.... I'm glad I'm a squirrel."

"A zebra walks into a bar... He orders a drink and leaves. A few minutes later a horse walks into the bar. The bartender asks ""Hey man! What happened to your pajamas?"""

"I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don't understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper."

"How does every racist joke start? By looking over you shoulders."

"When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone... he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris"

"Why did 10 die? Because it was in the middle of 9 11"