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Joke of the Day

"My friend called the movie Pixels the world's longest abortion Funny, I didn't realize it was a porno."

"Which ghost ate too much porridge? Ghouldilocks."

"""Dammit. I had shit planned today."" -- a spider being carried out of the house with a cup and piece of paper"

"I realize I put this off but how much weight can I lose in 2 hours?"

"I've had a really bad day. First, my wife got ran over by a bus. Then, I lost my job as a bus driver."

"Why the Indian programmers are good at C or Java, but not Basic? Because they're cast-sensitive!"

"Wha do you call when a whale gets circumcised? A huge disappointment. Edit: give me a T!"

"did you hear about the constipated mathematician? he worked it out with a pencil.... a number two pencil"

"Some people passed away from toxic fumes in the apartments I constructed. I was just making the ceilings asbestos I could."

"A homosexual, a Pedophile and a Priest walk into a bar The bartender asked him what he would like to drink."