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Joke of the Day

"Asked my 65yo mom what she'd like for Christmas and she said ""Surprise me"". Hope she likes her new pet python."

"Remember: Life isn't about having amazing experiences, it's about making mediocre experiences look awesome on Facebook."

"""Everybody freeze!"" -November"

"Who was the world's greatest thief ? Atlas because he held up the whole world !"

"NSFW Your dick's like Mt. Everest... it's hard to get up"

"What do you call a hard drive in a hydraulic press? File compression"

"If you ever saw me race to the liquor store 5 mins before it closes, you'd hire me for a getaway driver in a bank heist any day."

"I was walking down the street when I saw my mother in law getting beaten up by 7 people... Someone said ""shouldn't you help?"" and I replied ""nah, 7 should be enough."""

"several animals were harmed in the making of this film. a piece of shit horse nobody liked and a gecko that we straight up lost"

"Why was the scarecrow promoted? Because he was outstanding in his field!"