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Joke of the Day

"hey joggers instead of those dumb little shorts you should wear batman costumes so I can feel like my neighborhood is protected"

"Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards."

"If a party with all dudes is called a ""sausage fest"", I request that we start calling all girl parties ""taco time""."

"Calling 911 Hello 911 I'd like to report murder, this bitch killed my vibe"

"They said being blind would hinder my chances of becoming a comedian. I don't see them laughing now."

"What did the duck say to the chicken who was about to cross the road? quack"

"Yo Mamas teeth are so yellow I can't believe it's not butter."

"A Scotsman and an Irish man walk into a bar And the Scotsman shouts ""All the drinks are on me!"" The next morning the headlines read *""Irish Ventriloquist Found Dead Behind Bar""*"

"Floyd Mayweather was asked about remarks made by critics on last night's fight. He said ""I don't tend to read into things"""

"My wife was out of town, so I had to run the morning routine by myself today. I learned a lot. For example, apparently I have two kids."