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Joke of the Day

"Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards."

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"what's the best part about electing Hillary Clinton? Being able to pay her 33% less"
"What do you call a fat Muslim? Just Mu^~~slim~~"
"How do you make five pounds of fat look sexy? Slap a nipple on it."
"A Spaniard, an Irish man, and a Greek go into a brothel. Who pays? Germany"
"How does Donald Trump adopt pets? He just grabs the first pussy he sees."
"It's always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, ""I love you"" and they're like, ""thank you for choosing Domino's."""
"I went into panera the other day The clerk said, ""do you want a side of chips or a French baguette?"" I replied, ""never baguette."""
"DO NOT talk about molestation It's a touchy subject"
"What's a shark's favorite illegal substance? Reefer"