194004

Joke of the Day

"They said being blind would hinder my chances of becoming a comedian. I don't see them laughing now."

"I tried suing Amtrak for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case."

"Save your money ...you never know when your friends will need it."

"You must hate it when people make assumptions about you."

"Why is Joey Tribbiani a presenter on the new Top Gear? It doesn't make sense, he and all his friends are always stuck in second gear"

"I've just had to reset my password to Delicate Luggage Handler as I was told it had to be case sensitive."

"It isn't until your kids start talking back that you realize dogs would've been a better option."

"How do hobbit flowers grow? Through Frodo-synthesis."

"Nietzsche: God is dead God: Nietzsche is dead [they both turn to camera] THAT'S RIGHT, WE'RE DEAD SERIOUS ABOUT OUR MATTRESS PRICES"

"Everybody mad at me like it's common knowledge to wait til after the eulogy before you start clapping. Sorry I didn't go to funeral college."