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Joke of the Day

"What's a necrophilic pirate's favorite activity? Digging for booty."

"I was pretty sure I've been dead and in hell for the past three hours until I was informed the air conditioner isn't working."

"I fart in church so I can sit in my own pew."

"What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing. They were both stuck up cunts."

"Never trust an atom. They make up everything."

"[voice recognition in car] Car: ""please say a command"" Me: ""call Tim"" Car: ""calling Sarah Marcogliese"""

"Republicans run for office by saying the government doesn't work... Then they get elected and prove it."

"According to my neighbor's diary, I have ""boundary issues""."

"My son woke me last night and said ""There's another daddy in the house!"" I don't think he understands how gay marriage works."

"What font is alphabet soup produced in? Times New Ramen"