197933
Joke of the Day
"Never trust an atom. They make up everything."
Next Joke
"What happens when Nigel Farage makes a promise? He brexit."
"How many square feet are in the average NYC apartment? Zero. Feet are feet shaped."
"If you have streaks of purple, green or blue in your hair, I will try to eat that cotton candy off your head until you tell me to stop."
"If Gravemind from Halo did product placement... We exist / Together now Two corpses / In one grave Burma-Shave"
"You know what they say about location in real estate? Not much but they say it three times."
"*Blind Date* Her: Ask me anything.. Me: Do you know how to properly layer nachos? Her: Are you seri.. Me: *flips table*"
"When folks unfollow me shortly after they've followed me I just figure they sobered up."
"I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds..."
"Everyone keeps saying they hate the smell of moth balls But I just keep wondering how they spread those tiny legs apart."