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Joke of the Day

"If you are a driver who swerves right before turning left, take a long hard look in the mirror, and then punch yourself in the face."

"My therapist diagnosed me with oppositional defiant disorder but I told them they were wrong."

"I normally don't get a boner at Burger King But when I do, its a whopper."

"Why will global warming eventually confuse women trying to reach orgasm? Because it will constantly be changing the position of the clittoral."

"1 in 5 bosses will let you leave work early if you claim to have 'lady problems' then start crying. It works even better for guys."

"What do you do when you miss your ex? Reload and shoot again."

"Today I saw a poor, old lady fall. My first reaction was to laugh, but then I thought ""what if I was an ant, and she fell on top of me?"" then it didn't seem so funny anymore."

"What do big banks and Hillary Clinton have in common? They aren't too big to fail"

"Why did Simba's dad die? He couldn't Mufasa"

"I like my men like I like my coffee... White, tepid, and saccharine sweet."