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Joke of the Day

"A great joke to play on people in their 20's would be to replace the computers in a library with a card catalog."

"My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60... Now hes 97 years old and we have no idea where he is..."

"""Of course size matters!"" My girlfriend screamed when I told her how big it was. Who the fuck wants a small pizza?"

"I just assume everyone on my Christmas list has been naughty. Makes things simpler."

"Did you hear about the cannibal who was late to dinner? Yeah, he got the cold shoulder."

"What do you get when you goose a ghost? You get a lot of sheet."

"A woman always worries about the things that men forget and men always worry about the things women remember."

"Accidentally called 911. Set my house on fire to not look stupid."

"Did you hear about the dancing girl? She danced on one leg and then the other, but she made her living between the two of them."

"I'm sorry, I don't find you arousing. No hard feelings."