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Joke of the Day
"The Oscars so white I gotta wear shades."
Next Joke
"Welcome home, half-empty bottle of diet coke. Meet your family: Salad dressing, expired creamer & mysterious takeout container."
"I asked my Dad if we could get any pets... He said pets are just a step backwards."
"Guess what my lonesome self and my right hand did for Valentines day. Sign Valentines cards for my relatives."
"Apples greatest success is convincing the world they need a new phone, to replace the one you aren't making phone calls on, every year."
"He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris ... dies."
"My girlfriend said she liked the jewelry my grandmother wore so I bought her a life alert necklace"
"Helen Keller walks into a bar ......... then a table and then a chair."
"I drink because I care. About me. And drinks."
"What's the best thing about a Trmp versus Clinton election? One of them has to lose."