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Joke of the Day

"I haven't seen an Ice Bucket Challenge video in about a week. Did we cure ALS?"

"Hmmm,,,, Tell me more about this ""victim"" role you play due to the circumstances that you've created for yourself."

"Twas the night before Christmas, all through the house not a creature was stirring not even my vodka martini because it's shaken not stirred"

"I had to get a drug test today.. I got pissed."

"If you wear a Bluetooth phone piece in your ear, you can say ""You're an idiot"" to just about anyone you walk past."

"Do you remember that barbeque you had? The one where I had my meat all up on your grill?!?!?!"

"Why didn't Mayweather become an NFL QB? Because he couldn't READ the defense!"

"So, I asked a few former Wall Street employees how they were going to clean their record... ...""Submerse it in water"", they said. The bath-tards."

"Finding out your ex got fat is like finding 20 bucks in your pocket. Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face."

"I clocked this beautiful woman earlier. I'll probably never see her againit was a pretty big clock."